


The Sand in Our Crevice

by SongOfMarbule



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 20:50:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11540193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SongOfMarbule/pseuds/SongOfMarbule
Summary: Prompto is sent home early one day and stumbles upon a most bizarre and confusing scenario in his living room. It involves Ignis. And a whole lot of orange. What is going on?!





	The Sand in Our Crevice

Prompto’s keychains jingled together, dangling in a bundle beneath his hands as he worked at getting the front door open. Clunk. Nothing. _Oops. Wrong key. As usual._ Clunk. _Dammit, again_? One day, he swore he would get the right key on the first try, but every single time he still went for the completely wrong one whenever he got to the door, as if it were a tradition.

Prompto was… tired, today. _Yes, blame the key blunder on the fatigue_. It was the reason why he was home early. He’d trained hard at the police academy that day and had a moment where he was a bit wobbly on his feet, a brief head rush. His instructor noticed, much to his dismay, and before he could protest and mumble an “I’m fine, honest”, his instructor congratulated him on his hard work and sent him home early as a ‘reward’.

Some reward. Tired or not, he’d been very adamant about pushing himself to his limits lately, desperate to improve his skills, even if it foolishly left him feeling sore, exhausted and all around overworked. He didn’t want to be home early, for multiple reasons. The apartment was a little boring and lonely when Ignis wasn’t around. It was just before 2:30 in the afternoon and Ignis was probably going to be at the office for at least a few more hours. What would he even do to pass the time?

 _Oooh, some video games, maybe? Or I could clean our room. Not that it really needs cleaning or anything. Well.. I guess I_ could _clean the bathroom. Ignis always leaves stray beard shavings everywhere, somehow,_ Prompto thought, crinkling his nose. Clunk, this time in a different pitch. Sweet, he finally got the right key. He pushed the door open and entered the apartment, stepping out of his boots in the main hallway.

Right away, he could tell something wasn’t quite right.

The lights were on in the apartment. He could hear a faint murmur… voices? He wasn’t sure. His first thought was maybe, somehow, Ignis was already home. No.. that’s impossible. He’d never miss work. He looked down at the row of various fancy dress shoes and boots by the door, all lined up perfectly in a row just the way Ignis liked it. Ignis had so many damn shoes, he wouldn’t even be able to tell if there were any missing. So much for that.

Which left only one remaining thought: obviously, robbers. They… were being robbed. Somehow, intruders had gotten in without so much as breaking a window or destroying the front door. But wait… the door was locked? The robbers got in, then locked the door after themselves? Unless they did somehow get in some other way? Prompto’s mind wasn’t quite capable of logical thought in situations like these. He’d worry about the details later. But right now? Robbers. In the house. Apartment. Whatever.

He swallowed a nervous lump in his throat as he took a careful step forward. Well, if worse came to worst, he had his gun. He didn’t exactly ever want to have an excuse to actually use it. But just in case, right? Who’s to say that a masked chainsaw-wielding horror movie villain wasn’t waiting for him just around the corner, just _itching_ to release a really good and loud VRIN-VRIN-VRINNNNN as they revved up their weapon of choice? Prompto gulped and clutched his gun in his pocket. _Just in case. Not that it was loaded or anything._

He crept slowly down the hallway. The sound of the murmurs were getting louder. Multiple people? No. Maybe? He wasn’t sure. He saw the low flashing of lights projecting against the white walls and ceiling, the closer he got to the living room. Oh. The TV was on. Wait. Someone broke into the apartment just to watch TV? What kind of robbers _were_ they? They must be really bored. Well, Ignis _did_ have a really nice TV, so maybe word got out and someone just couldn’t resist and had to come and get the full VIP experience firsthand? _Prompto, now you’re just being ridiculous. No, but wait, chainsaw villains liked watching TV too, right? Probably. Anything’s possible._

_Hold up. I’m gonna be a cop one day, aren’t I? I should be prepared for these sorts of situations! I don’t remember attending the Chainsaw Evasion 101 course, though… oh, Gods, I’m gonna die._

Just as Prompto got himself stuck in a never-ending loop of anxious and bizarre thoughts, a soft chuckle rumbled in the air. Prompto froze on the spot, feeling the tension hit him like a ton of bricks. He was… pretty sure he could snap a twig between his butt cheeks right now.

“Ah… so she has multiple ‘baby daddies’ but all five of them claim to not be the father. Intriguing.”

Ignis?

……

What the fuck?

Prompto willed himself to peer around the corner at last.

What he saw next was probably the biggest shock of his life.

Instead of a chainsaw-wielding Halloween decoration was one Ignis Scientia, hair unstyled and unruly, sprawled out across the couch with limbs _everywhere_ and clothes _nowhere,_ save for a tiny pair of leopard print undies that Prompto was pretty sure he’d never seen before. _Who bought those?!_

Decorating the coffee table in various states of standing upright and knocked over without a care were empty cans of Ravatogh Lava, hiding among a sea composed of empty chocolate bar wrappers, an empty bag of ChocoCheeze Pleezers, a half full bag of Doritoasts, and crumbs. Crumbs… everywhere. It was… an awful lot of orange. There were even orange dusty fingerprints on the wood of the table, on the buttons of the remote control that sat on the floor in front of the couch….  and was that an empty pizza box?

That was a lot of food. If this was in fact his boyfriend, how on Eos did Ignis manage to keep up the appearance of those rock hard abs? It was unfair. Prompto wanted to throw things at him. Was this a regular occurrence? Or was it a weekly thing? Monthly? Yearly? First time? He had so many questions.

Prompto opened his mouth to say something, though he had no idea what that something could have been. Before he could, Ignis suddenly noticed his presence. His eyes widening in a panic, he jumped up off the couch like his ass was on fire, or perhaps bitten by a small army of vigorously nippy ants. Either way, it was an act of _urgency_ that continued as the man scrambled around the living room in a flurry, making a frantic effort to clean up the junk food debris as if it would erase Prompto’s short term memories with each drop of a wrapper into the garbage bag.

Prompto could do nothing but gape at the man in silence as Ignis sputtered phrases, such as “I was just in the middle of cleaning,” “Pardon my state of dress,” “I’m not sure where all this _clutter_ came from, I awoke from a nap and it was just _here_ as if placed strategically”. The man repeatedly dropped the pieces of garbage as he tried to clean up, his hands trembling despite his best efforts to remain calm and collected as always. But even he knew that it was too late for him… regardless, he still had to try, for dignity’s sake.

Prompto crossed his arms over his chest and continued watching incredulously. Ignis met his gaze, then, and his shoulders deflated, much like the half-filled garbage bag that he had in his hand. Prompto wondered: did he keep that there beside the couch, for the sole purpose of cleaning up the evidence of his crimes without a trace, in a quick and easy manner? Apparently he did.

Eventually, Ignis knew the gig was up. He sighed in defeat as he set the garbage bag back down on the floor. “You weren’t supposed to see this.”

Prompto raised an eyebrow. “Is that… Maury?”  he asked, pointing at the TV screen.

“No.”

Prompto swore he’d never seen Ignis dive for the remote control so fast, pressing that ‘off’ button like his life depended on it.

Complete silence now filling the room, Prompto couldn’t help but grin when the flare of anxiety surrounding the prospect of his new best friend the chainsaw villain had flown out the window, leaving him and the true culprit to have their destined meeting instead.

“Is this what you do when I’m not around?” Prompto asked curiously.

“This is just a big misunderstanding,” Ignis replied.

“Dude, you don’t have to lie. Why would you need to lie about this?”

“I thought that much would have been obvious.”

“Are you embarrassed?”

“...I refer you to my last response.”

“Do you see me laughing at you?”

“Well...no.”

Prompto shifted on his feet and raised both eyebrows this time, waiting for Ignis to continue.

“You’re… not disgusted?” Ignis added.

“No? Why would I be? Not everyone’s glamorous every waking second of their lives. Especially not me. And you? I thought it was weird how you’re so fancy literally _all the time_. I was wondering when I’d learn the source of your power, your deepest, darkest secrets. I just never would have guessed that your hobby would be something like this. I was just a little surprised, that’s all.”

“It’s not as if I was keeping this a secret.”  Ignis suddenly felt very, very naked in his little leopard undies.

“Sure seems like it.”

“...I apologise.”

A pause.

“So. Maury?” Prompto asked.

“Yes.”

“Daytime TV?”

“Talk shows, mostly. Divorce court. But to be more specific, infomercials. I find them fascinating.”

“Huh.”

“However… the new weekly series _The Sand in Our Crevice_ is beginning to develop a rather deep and intriguing plot. I was surprised by the quality of the writing, the way they managed to craft such intricate character development at the same time as the dramatic plots. Truly, it is a work of fine art. I wonder if it has been nominated for any awards?”

“But all that _food,_ though.”

“I... certainly didn’t want you to see all of that, most of all.”

“Where the heck are you packing it?”

“I never eat this poorly. I assure you, it’s---”

“Ignis, I know your favourite meal is from The Crow’s Nest. It’s cool. Everyone’s got guilty pleasures. Me? I love The Crow’s Nest. _Love it._ You know that. Everyone’s allowed to binge junk food every once in awhile. Even Ignis Scientia.”

“...Yes. You’re right.”

Prompto smiled. He really couldn’t believe this. Suddenly, he was glad that he got sent home early today. But wait, why was Ignis home?

“Hey, aren’t you supposed to be--” Prompto began.

“There was a server crash at work,” Ignis interrupted. “Everyone was sent home for the day, as it was irreparable in a timely manner. No point in us all sitting there, twiddling our thumbs in wait for a system that would not be up and running again any time soon.”

“Oh.”

Silence fell over the room once more.

Prompto approached Ignis at last, reaching to take his hands so he could place them on his hips. “Y’know, I feel like I’m in a video game, like I just used a bow and arrow to shoot all of your armor and outer components off. Underneath it all, it turns out Ignis Scientia is nothing more than a gigantic, sentient, _orange,_ puffed corn snack.” Prompto couldn’t possibly say that without a grin on his face.

Ignis didn’t know whether to be embarrassed or laugh. He decided that both were appropriate options right now, and acted accordingly. He was sure he was blushing. Would Prompto notice? Of course he would.

“Show me everything there is to see and know about Ignis Scientia. We’ve been together for…. three years now, right? You don’t have to hide stuff like this from me. You’ve seen and heard all the weird shit I do and say on a daily basis at this point. Return the favour already, won’t you? Bare it all, babe. Show me your cheesy interior.” Prompto winked.

Ignis smiled and moved his hands from Prompto’s hips to the small of his back, pulling him closer. “I’ll try my best.”

“Besides… it kinda turns me on.”

“...Really?”

“No, but I can work with it. Just gimme a sec and I’m sure empty cans of energy drinks will give me a raging boner in no time, flat. Or wait, not so flat. Pointy? Protruding?”

Ignis laughed.

“Seriously, though. If anything, this just makes me love you more,” Prompto said softly. He pressed close to Ignis. As ridiculous as this entire situation was, he really did swear that he fell ten times harder for his boyfriend in one fell swoop. He loved everything about him... including his weird secret. As out of character as it was, it was somehow still very _Ignis._ He loved it.

Ignis moved his hands to Prompto’s cheeks and kissed him. Prompto couldn’t help but think that he tasted kinda like simulated cheese. It... wasn’t so bad, actually. Kinda tasty.

“Oh, by the way… where’d you get the undies, Specs? I kinda like ‘em.” Prompto smirked as his hands found their way to Ignis’ hips, thumbing the waistband of the tiny leopard print underwear with a few small snaps.

Ignis turned bright red.

Lying on the couch in nothing but underwear was indecent as it was, but with no clothing at all? Neither of them seemed to question their state of dress after that.

⏩

Come the following Saturday morning, Prompto woke up to find himself alone in bed. Ignis was already gone. Usually this wouldn’t be so unusual, as Ignis was an early riser and enjoyed preparing breakfast first thing… but on a Saturday? He liked to sleep in on Saturdays. The only thing that would get Ignis out of bed early on a Saturday morning would be the excitement of preparing a new grocery item for breakfast, such as that new maple bacon they’d bought a few weeks back. But they hadn’t gone shopping recently. Huh. Weird.

He hesitated as he heard the sound of the TV from the other room.

Holy shit. Could it be?

Wow. He was already at it.

Now that Ignis’ silly secret was out in the open, he supposed that Ignis had no reason to hide it anymore. That was a good thing. A really good thing. It made him happy, actually. Ignis trusted him with it now. But wait. Just how long had Ignis been holding himself back? Was he really _that_ embarrassed about it? Yes, evidently, he had been.

It dawned on Prompto just then that he’d moved into Ignis’ apartment just a little over a year ago, now. Which meant.. without his knowledge, it had been an entire year of Ignis feeling like he couldn’t be himself in his own home anymore.

Oh no. He felt really bad, all of a sudden. After all, he’d invaded Ignis’ private haven when he moved in. He’d disturbed not only his routine, but his own level of personal comfort, just by existing in the same space.

It was okay now, though. Ignis now knew that he didn’t have to hide any part of himself, no matter how silly and unglamorous it may be.

Prompto considered leaving him alone this morning, wanting to give him his private time, but something wicked crept into his mind and he couldn’t resist giving in... just to see what would happen.

 _Time to don the uniform,_ Prompto thought, a grin pulling at the sides of his lips.

A few minutes passed before Prompto wandered into the living room, his feet shuffling against the carpet. Ignis was sitting upright on the couch this time, but was slouched so far down that Prompto wasn’t sure why he didn’t just sit on the floor instead. Might have been a bit more comfortable, maybe. There was no smell of a freshly prepared breakfast in the air; instead, Ignis was clasping a cup filled to the brim with dry Moogle-O’s, munching on them absently. He looked up when he heard Prompto enter the room and couldn’t help but smirk.

“So… how do I look?” Prompto asked, almost nervously. He wore nothing but a pair of white briefs, and as he turned slightly to model them, he revealed a cartoon chocobo print on the butt.

“Ah, an excellent choice,” Ignis replied, giving him a curt nod in approval. Ignis’ outfit of the day was a pair of boxers with peanuts and plus signs printed all over them, the words “Positively Nuts!” scattered everywhere. Where the hell did Ignis even get these from, anyway?!

Ignis patted the spot on the couch beside him, scooting over and sitting up slightly to give Prompto room. He offered Prompto a Moogle-O from his cup when the blond came to join him, which Prompto graciously accepted as he leaned against him to get comfortable. Prompto munched on the cereal as he slowly bent his knees, bringing his legs up onto the couch while Ignis’ arm snaked around his shoulders.

“So.. what did I miss?” Prompto asked as his blue gaze met with the screen of the TV. The filming on this show looked… really weird. Like it was almost fuzzy? Oh, this must be that soap opera Ignis was telling him about. What was it called, again? Something about crevices?

“Last week, we discovered that Antonio has a twin brother, who happens to be evil. Fans are speculating that in every episode of the last season, ‘Antonio’ was in fact his twin brother, not him, and the evidence supporting these claims is beginning to appear very much true,” Ignis replied.

“Oh, shit.”

“I know. It is very harrowing.”

Prompto decided that he could get into this. Maybe even get used to this. _All_ of this.

**Author's Note:**

> SPIRITMUSE [DREW A BRILLIANT PICTURE BASED ON THIS FIC AND I LOVE IT.](https://imgur.com/a/1C1iHv2) Thank you so much!!
> 
> I sincerely apologise for this. It was a really, REALLY silly idea that wouldn't go away and of course, as a result, was written to get it out of my system. Inspired by a conversation I had with [Peach_Pit](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Peach_Pit/pseuds/Peach_Pit) (who also edited this fic and provided the beautiful 'baby daddies' line, thank you!) and uh. I'm sorry.
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://saturnvalleycoffee.tumblr.com). I've also got a [FFXV sideblog](http://caseofthestolenspecs.tumblr.com). Also check out my other fics [Shotgun](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10815795) and [Ebony](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11375985).


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